A couple of events in the past 24 hours have induced me to write this:
1) Receiving a phone call from a newly selected candidate in JEE. The JEE results were declared on 29th of May, and early next morning, I was called by this arbitrary acquaintance in Nagpur requesting me to give "advice" to his son who got selected, but had a poor rank. The question asked to me was: "Which branch will I be able to join through this rank?". Is that it? Is getting into IIT just about getting into any branch? Doesn't individual interest have any role to play? Is it all just about landing a good paying job?
2) The suicide committed by a final year student at IITK on 31st of May.
So here are a couple of open, honest letters.
To every parent in India,
"I love my children. They are my life."
How many times have you repeated this cliched dialog? How many people have you said this to? Please look inside and ask yourself, how many times did you actually mean it?
Oh wait. Of course you love your child. You provide him/her with everything he/she wants, you have spent loads of money on his/her education, you care for him/her. How dare I ask you if you love your child or not? Who am I to judge your love for your child?
But do tell me this: Why is it that everywhere I look, I see this uncertainty, this mistrust in the youth? Why is it that I see fear in their minds, an extreme lack of belief in their own selves? Why are your children afraid of making decisions for themselves? Why are they afraid to pursue what they love? Why are they afraid of failure so much?
Maybe the following might help you answer those questions: Do you love your child enough to watch him/her be on their own? To be able to watch them get hurt? Do you trust your child enough that he/she learns to learn from their mistakes? Have you ever had enough confidence in your child so that he/she learns to have enough confidence in themselves?
Surely you're doing your best to let your child have the best. But you forget to teach them one of the most important abilities in life: Survival.
Is it partially because you are afraid and unsure of yourself? Is the "noble motive" behind your actions a desire to prevent your child from experiencing pain and failure that you had to face at some time in your life? Do you advise your child to pursue an MBA because your neighbour's brilliant kid just got into IIMA or that distant relative told you that that is the only field that has "scope" left in the future? Do you force your child to pursue an MBBS even though you know of the excellent talent he/she possesses in art/sports? Why?
Do you ever show off your child to a guest in your house, as if he/she were an object, a prized possession that you own? Did you ever try to find out the real motive behind something that your child achieves? Do you just want your child to score in that examination so that you can show off at work? Have you ever tried to see what your child really enjoys doing?
Please answer my questions, parents. I'm tired of all this.
When will you really start loving your child?
Thanking you,
Alok Meshram
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To every child/student in India,
Being rebellious is part of being a human being. It comes automatically to us. And one of education's primary motive is to direct that rebellion towards a constructive direction. But why is it that I see an abysmal absence of rebellion in you, my friends? All that I can see is a fake act that you put forth in the name of rebellion. You just rebel against everything that you aren't comfortable with.
Why is it that you cannot say no when your friend circle pushes you to smoke that cigarette you don't want to smoke? Why is it that you agree to what everyone else agrees to without even applying a little thought to it? Why is it that you accept all that drivel they teach you at school in the name of education? You call yourself rebels?
Why are you so afraid of yourself? Why don't you trust yourself? Why are you afraid of your parents, society, "friends"? Why don't you try and follow what you love for a change? Why is it that you believe in "Life is the boss"? Why don't you ever try being yourself rather than what people want you to be?
Probably the blame cannot be laid wholly upon you. But as a student, as a human being, you have the ability to learn. Why don't you trust this ability?
It is time we did.
Thanking you,
Alok Meshram
Sunday, June 1, 2008
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59 comments:
WOW! It is very sad the way Asian parents push their children to the heights of success without stopping to see what success really means to these children. Yes, I have seen this a lot amongst my friends who have been PUSHED into the engineering stream or a medical school so that they can be viewed as being "intelligent" and "high-achievers", all this against their wishes. Some have dared to drop out and pursue their dreams while some have quietly succumbed to the pressures and view their job as a chore.
I am so grateful that my family has always been supportive and allowed me to do what I want. If it were not for their push, I would never have come this far in psychology.
What your wrote in this post is so true. Its like a Horse Race...and everyone has their own to bet on it...
I empathise with what people go through... but at the same time... parents do it with an intention for better future... let me tell... for some its realizing those dreams which they couldn't do it due to some cicumstances...
I know IMPOSING your dreams on someone is not fair.... but at they they want to push ... in order to help...
however i also agree its not always ... some parents are just there to show off their kids achievement... i had couple friends whose mom STILL gaga's about her daughter's EVERYTHING ! its literally sad and irritating...
but i do agree... too much of pressue is not Good for the kid and for the parents.. cuz then the kid is going to end up hating his/her life.. and parents eventually...
I just thank God that no matter whatever familial circumstances my parents have always supported me.
hey tats true bro...
but u know ther another breed of students who dont know wat to do with thier life whenthey r 15-17....i feel tat time if their parents dont cum in picture,the student will land in some wrong decision making......and we all know this period is very crucial 4 any student...
well this was my story....i still dont know what to do.....but i m a engineer now...i dont have any pressure of think wat to do,time is running.....even now i can search wat my dream is....
but pressurising any student 4 socal status is very bad and not right...
so a very true post..
1) *clappings*
2) its much more than just a praise for a well written post.
3) I think we are going through those dark ages, when during the transition, its no choice thats finally right. We are superior, and we are not, we are developed, and we are not, we are liberal, and we are not, and are open minded and we are not. And i think this thing is taking a toll. Where you'd find the parents telling their children to have fun, but will kill then for not cracking iit/iim. It hurts. I know my parents are like this. They used to coax me for doing an MBA, and when i finally cracked the best college in the country.. where does it land me to? No, my parents are not the most happiest.. they sure arent. If u ask me, i never wanted to, and if u see them, they arent 'super-happy' so why this pressure? Am lucky, i can always come back/switch my careers, what about those who havent fared well?
I think we are digging a hole for ourselves.. soon there will be repercussions, and we might have to face the brunt!
Solitaire,
It's not only limited to Asia. Parents in the USA (especially the rich entrepreneur variety) push their children to get into Harvard. Now Bill Gates is just one example of a guy who had the guts to rebel against his parents and pursue what he wanted. And to this day, he hasn't failed.
:) for your parents. They remind me of mine.
Neeku,
Yes, what I meant to say is that there is a huge difference between supporting and pushing.
All I want from parents is to support enough so that the child learns to support himself/herself.
I know of the career changes you've made, and I respect your quest to find what you love to do. My respect also for your parents who have trusted you with your decisions. :)
Nirmal,
I have personally believed that every person finds out, sooner or later what they love to do. It's something that comes naturally to us. That is what Love is.
I want parents to support their children in finding what they love and pursuing it. Children do need support, but they don't need a ride. :)
If you enjoy engineering, maybe it is what you Love. If not, well, find it before time runs out, man. All you need to do is to look inside.
Smokin Joe,
:)
This was written with a bit of anger, a bit of welled up desire and a bit of misery.
I look around, and it's everywhere. I hardly bother; I don't want to control people. They are free. But when it comes at a cost of a life (or a life that could be), I couldn't hold it any longer.
But I prefer bring an optimist. I see traces of rebellion everywhere. I enjoy it.
There will be repercussions, but I believe we will rise victorious.
Nice to find that you are where you want to be. About others, well, I think people above the age of 17 cannot blame anybody but themselves. Wish they would understand it.
Wow ! One of your best post, Alok !!
I had read it in the morning but came now to comment.
What you have mentioned is so very true. Your frustration and rage on the issue is very apt. So many of us were/being pushed to fulfill the needs of our parents and I was no different. Glad I didn't listen to them. :-)
Yes, guidance is absolutely necessary but this guidance should not become the rule to be followed at any cost.
The sixteen year old whom I wrote about is also being pushed to think for IIT as his goal but he is least interested in that. I don't know what'll happen but he is a rebellion type. I am sure he'll do better with his life.
:)
Very true.
Down south (India), the trend is to force students to take up science after 10th standard. Commerce is for people who fare badly. And humanities is for people who dont want to study.
Pretty sad.
wow!...for a moment i could imagine you standing right there giving that lecture....just like Aamir did in TZP...:)
As for the post yeah it's sad how badly parents wanna get their kids moulded into engineers or docs...but lemme tell you something very honestly...they wouldn't dare to do so if the kid stands firm and tells them that its not what they want.
Like many parents my parents wanted the three of us kids to become either of this but none of us even bothered. As for me I remember telling my father wen i was in class 3 that that i'll become neither of them...the result is we have a fashion designer and the two others doing what they like in media and im sure our parents are more happier than us. Until the kid is adamant parents will never see the intensity of the kid's determination..
But sadly I know many people in and around who have no clue what to do in life coz all their lives they have done what they were told to do by their parents...they've just lost the ability to decide on their own....
Good one Alok. Great msg to students AND parents.
I hate how Sri Lankan (and Desi) parents get so competitive and force their dreams on their kids. Its too much pressure on the kids and they dun even realise it. Even here in Aus, Sri Lankan parents drag their young kids to Pre-uni classes etc as if getting into Uni is the only aim in life! It makes me puke.
Parents need to realise that kids should be allowed to make their own decisions too. While they need to be guided, no parent has the right to force opinions and regulations on their kids to be whoever THEY want their kids to be!
Keshi.
**"Papa, I failed in two subjects but did not inform you about this. I won't be able to receive the degree during this convocation since I could not pass. I'm ashamed. Please take care of Mummy."
ok that really made me break down in tears! SO SAD.
Keshi.
Yes, I came online to read this post! Could'nt wait. And, honestly, its been worth it.
I could'nt agree less with neeku, she has put it in just the right words and nothing much is left to be said.
Just hope the msg does, what is needed to be done.
I read this yesterday... But bad day and all that blah and this was something too close to home.. so I thought I'd comment today
I'm going to send your 'letter to the parents' to my clan. They really need to read it. Don't know if anything will penetrate.. but I'm definitely tempted!
You know? I am so glad someone else thinks this way. You are in an IIT so you must know what kind of pressure there to get in. But frankly, it is sad to see so many parents push their kids into doing something for one of two reasons.
A) I wasn't able to do it, so my son/daughter should.
B) This is the only way you can make money.
Really! Don't they realise they are trying to relive a life that does not belong to them? Why this obsession with engineering, medicine, et.al? Is it not more important to be a good person? Wonder when these parents will learn. And I certainly hope I don't become one of them in 20 years' time.
But, still...great post...you have my vote of confidence...
Cuckoo,
Well, I was really angry, but thank goodness it turned out the way I wanted to. But I wasn't frustrated when I wrote this post, just that I was a bit ruffled up. It's sad to see this happening again and again.
This post, this blog, it's all meant towards recording an experience at IIT. It was dedicated to reveal the truth about this place, and one of the primary goals was to express what I've written in this post, because ever since I've come to this place, I've experienced this. And it forms the very core of my thoughts.
I'm glad you followed what you wanted to follow. It's very apparent from the way your write. :)
I'm sure the 16 year old dude would do extremely fine. He follows his mind, and he is the spirit that this post is dedicated to.
Thank you for the beautiful comment, you have always understood me perfectly. :)
Alex,
Yeah that's a trend quite prevalant in North India as well. And it is pretty sad indeed.
Things are changing, yes. But it is limited to very few people, even in developed cities. And they say they Love their children!
I think a rebellion is imminent, such a large number of people cannot stay under such restraint. It will be beautiful. :)
Tess,
Yes, exactly, they won't dare do so if the child stands up for him/her self. But where does a child learn to stand up on his/her own? Some have that "inborn" in them (they pick it up from their parents or from the environment), and others do not.
The ones who don't have it inbuilt have to learn it, and in many cases they learn it too late (as you've mentioned in your comment). Thus my appeal to parents to help the child learn it.
:) For you and your siblings. I appreciate your attitude, and if you remain true to what you Love, you will definitely fulfill that Love, and isn't that what the world works on?
Keshi,
:)
Yes, you've summarised what I wanted to say. I was angry (as you were sad when you read that article) when I wrote this, and couldn't keep it inside. It had to come out in this form.
I just wanted to make the potential reader feel the intensity of my anger and go through a series of self-questioning that would make them realise what is wrong.
Thank you for those nice comments!
Express,
:)
Thank you for the appreciation.
As for what you and Neeku want to say, I'm just going to repeat what I said to Neeku:
There is a huge difference between supporting and pushing. I'm against pushing. If they think that:
"realizing those dreams which they couldn't do it due to some cicumstances.."
is a noble cause, they don't really Love their child. That's the whole point of this post.
If parents want to really help, they should help the child help him/herself. That is the natural role of a parent. To teach his/her child to survive.
I hope that the message is sent loud and clear too. Though I don't think it will change much. We need something much more powerful than this for that to happen.
Macadamia,
:)
I hope they would be of some use.
Thank you for the understanding and concise comment!
Amrutha,
Ahhh, the first comment that is as angry as I am. Yes, that is what I'm talking about.
"Is it not more important to be a good person?"
Well, that is another perspective that is very unsteady and volatile. Society automatically judges a student who listens to his/her parents and gains admission to prestigious institutes as an ideal child. They call him/her a "Good person" while in reality he/she is afraid, confused and in misery.
On the other hand parents (sadly, even sometimes my parents) judge children who rebel and follow their own as "useless" and term them as "bad people".
To me, most important is to pursue what you want to, to do what you love, to be able to stand alone, to be free of fear and apprehension because you love what you do, and believe in yourself.
With your attitude, I don't think there is a potential risk to your future children. :P
Thank you for that passionate and supportive comment!
Ah Ah so much taareef !! :P
:)
Well, I have asked that dude to hop over to your blog sometime to listen to what you guys are making. Hope he'll come sometime. :-)
And the purpose of my visit here was to know if you got more visitors because of that referral I did. But it looks like ... :(
Anyway, I am going to announce something on my blog after a few days. Let me think over it. :-)
Cuckoo,
I'm waiting for him. The songs that we make are very close to our heart as we take composition very seriously. However, we aren't much of a dedicated band, we enjoy composing more than practicing! :(
I've been having a avalanche of visitors at my Blog for the past couple of days, thanks to you! And even though few have responded, I'm just glad that my message is being read.
Anyways, visitors or not, I'll be satisfied only when I'll see the change, the rebellion. I don't think it's too far away...
Announcement, eh? Interesting. I'm waiting. :)
Thought provoking.
well,i'm afraid ur not going to get a short comment from me over this!
Here i'll go sequentially----------
1)Firstly,you were only asked to dispense some advise on what subs. he could get.
Does that mean that indivisual role hasnt got any role?
Secondly,you do not know what he may love.
How can you be so sure that money is not his love but branches are?...i gave it in my blog that pain is only relative depending on what one wants to achieve.
===================================
Love mayn't always come with understanding coz its not a guarantee card stating that the level of thinking of the two r same.
I'm not denying the relation b/w luv n undrstandng: Likin cums wid conditions which we decide(usually d innate qualities of d perosn which gets percieved clearly after understanding), but in parental luv,i feel these conditions r a bit diffrnt
My eg:Much loved,little understood (by others).
-----------------------------------
Now i come 2 Rebellion:
Rebellion is a +ve sign as it points 2wards tht ppl listen 2 wat THEIR mind says.It comes wid imposed authority,which in turn is likely to be there where its luv widout undrstnding.
As a kid,i grew up to be
Extremely sensitive,introvert n shy,which made me vulnerable to influence while always trying to solve my problems myself(being unable to open myself upto others)
which made my inner voice strong.
Hence,I grew up confused.11-14 were terrible timeswith conflicted emotional ideolodies.
Frnds dint undrstnd,others told me to stop going mad,but it was MY voice
Then one day,something like this
I realised the importance of 'self',its voice,its luv.....
Today, my ideals n philosophies have changed radically(they r still changing)...they r not influenced,but my original(backed up by experience n learning),i also got the 'beginner's luck' in certain ways...so we maynt lay the blame wholly upon us...but yeah...we can
-----------------------------------
I'm glad you wrote this post,your points on rebellion are really very good.
===================================
brilliant post would be saying too little.
i second every word that you've typed in. you've ripped apart the students' perspective and the student's parents perspective into shreds, leaving no room for further discussion.
u did very well Alok!
Keshi.
my folks are cool. plus they were such losers themselves that they dont have any expectations of me.
ha ha.
Ayushi,
Okay, I'll answer sequentially too:
Query to me:
The guy asked me if he could get Metallurgical Engg in IIT. When asked what he would prefer if he were to join a NIT, he promptly replied, "Computer Science".
"How can you be so sure that money is not his love but branches are?"
Money, as I see it, is the human created equivalent of "Survival" in nature. Of course everyone loves money. Everyone wants to survive. It's an instinct.
But every person has their own way of survival. What they love to do is their natural preference for survival. When forced to do something else, the effort is half hearted and often detrimental to self respect leading to fear and lack of effort, which leads to cases such as suicides.
All I ask from parents is to help their children to learn to survive. And to me, that means supporting your children in what he/she loves to do.
Rebellion:
After some time, ( I think the age is 17, changes from person to person) a person is capable of thinking for themselves. Because rebellion sets in. It's again instincts.
Thus, after this age, a person is responsible for themselves only. Because now they have picked up the ability to think, to rebel, to learn. They are now free to pursue what they want to.
If you ask me, the most natural state for a person is alone.
:)
Gayatri,
I'm glad that my message is being understood by people. I'm sick and tired of the plight of the present day Indian child/student.
And then when they turn 30 they realise it. Such a waste.
Keshi,
Well, I just expressed my views. I don't think it would make any difference to the scene.
But at least it will stay as a reminder about what to do when I have my own children! :P
Emaan,
I know! ;)
You will turn up one awesome person, just like your Mom and Dad!
Mwaaah to you! :D
loved ur views....
sometime I do feel that parents put too much pressure on their kids...the view u put in that..i really appreciate that if the yound readers will read they will have good learning experience...
but i don't blame parents for that...raising a child is always every parent's first time job..jus that they gave birth to a baby..they just don't get experienced in it..
the parents are those people who were raised in a world widout media and internet to interfere..they were taught to take up engineering or medical coz in that time..it was the highest paid job..and wen thye become one they jus never get out from the notion that every field has its own value and there is a thing called media..which they use to watch the world but the child is using it to learn survival..
so wat I feel is we need to do two main things
- a course for every adult ..a compulsory part..where they shud be taught..how to raise a child ..wat are their demands..coz making a good professional world shud not be the goal of education..rather it shud be making a better world for the future...
- secondly we need to regulate the media...and do keep a board of certification so that family soaps which imparts all the wrong thing in the mind..shud be well regulated..and people can not use media to earn money destroying the life..saying I have freedom to express...
Ps: glad to come across ur blog..u are blogrolled
I have waited a long time for this...my friend.This post is the best.It is definitive.No more puppetry.No more conformism.Do what is right for you.Not for anyone else.You are answerable to no one but your own conscience.
And you know what?All this 'fuck the rules' and 'Rock n Roll rebel' and shit is not even REBELLION man.Its BLATANT CONFORMISM.You talk about rebellion and yet worry about what your friends will say when you choose to drink Pepsi instead of beer that everyone else is drinking?PATHETIC.
You know what?After reading that post,I couldn't have felt more like a rebel.I hardly drink.I don't smoke even when everyone else is.I hate parties.Those things are the most potent place to lose your individuality.I like hearing only metal these days.And so many other things.Oh yea,and I'm nuts about Star Wars.
Thank you Alok,for saying what I have wanted to say for a LOOONG time.May the Force be with you.
HI Alok
Your post tempted a parent to write. First of all a pat on your back for writing a thought provoking and wonderful post. You have very clearly pointed out the overwhelming expectations of parents from their kids.
I agree with you that parents should not be overprotective, they should allow kids to fall and forge ahead again. Kids should learn to stumble and still keep going towards their goal.
I identify with you when i look back to my youth, I was very focussed and did what I wanted to do. I had all support of my parents and didn't face any resistance because of the fact that I was a good student (perception of my parents), my father wanted to see me as a IAS and I didn't want to open the car doors to the politicians. I wanted to be in the field of physics , so chose physics. But, now let me come to my role as parent.Let me give you an example, when you enter the chemistry lab, you are given instructions to handle few chemicals with utmost care, some chemicals are to be not be handle until and unless it is under the supervision of an expert. In the same way, a parent allows the child to learn few things by experiment and for few things a parent becomes expert and cautions the child to be careful, as the consequences of certain things going wrong, are disastrous.
A parent would never like the child to experiment with drugs and gain experience that how harmful they can be. I have seen many kids so inquisitive by nature that they want to experiment with everything.A parent has to teach the child that freedom comes with lot of responsibility and let me tell you its not easy. Every individual is different , there are kids who don't get affected by the peers and there are few kids (i know one very closely) who do get affected by all glamor . One has to draw a line somewhere as a parent.
I agree with you parents should not be overbearing and should not treat their kids as status symbols. I wish many more parents read your posts. I really wanted few of my friends to read this post. At least they will feel ashamed of themselves that ever since environment ministry has banned use to animals for entertainment, the kids have taken their place.
Bravo! Alok, keep it up
Hey bro...
I just wanted to let ya know that my exams are finished:D
Sourish,
Firstly, I believe that a parent does not need the media or a course to know how to raise a child. It's an inbuilt ability, all they need to do is to respect their instincts of survival, and teach their children to do so too. Most importantly, a parent must trust their child so that the child trusts him/herself.
If a child falls, he/she will learn to get up. The role of a parent, according to me, is to support the child enough to let him/herself learn to be on her own, to develop a sense of rational thinking.
About having a censor board: this is what I'm against. The role of Authority is to trust the rationality that its subjects have, to let them free to choose what they like, not to ban anything that they feel is "wrong". Because doing so is again having a mistrust in the rationality of the members. If authority doesn't respect choice, then how would the individual learn to trust their own?
All I ask for is Love and trust.
Metal-Militant,
Not unless someone shares the spirit this letter represents can they fully appreciate what it wants. And you do.
Metal represents that spirit, I can feel it in the very sound of the music. It makes me complete.
Let the Force keep guiding you.
Thankyou for understanding.
Ever Hopeful,
My Salutes.
Your spirit is what this letter demands from a parent. I am no parent, and thus what I speak of here is from no experience, but from logic.
You do have a valid point when you say you want to prevent your child from experimenting harmful substances as drugs. But what I want to say is that you just need to trust your child on that. Instead of keeping your child away from the whole drug business, it is much more important to instill in them enough strength to know that they don't need drugs to feel happy. A parent's role according to me is restricted only to explaining why drugs are harmful.
Every individual is different, but a child becomes an individual being influenced by his/her parents. This influence is primarily due to the parent's own conduct and the trust they lay in their child. Only then will the child trust him/herself. Kids whose parents are influenced by glamour are influenced by glamour too. So it's all upto the parent's attitude.
These barriers, these lines that parents draw, I want parents to explain the proper reason behind them. I want parents to teach children to draw lines for themselves instead of depending on someone to draw it for them.
And many times parents draw these lines too close, the child feels lost.
"At least they will feel ashamed of themselves that ever since environment ministry has banned use to animals for entertainment, the kids have taken their place."
Hahhah! Sad and funny at the same time.
Sahefa,
Yay!
Hi Alok
As a teenager and a student too I liked your post very much.It was all truth what u've written regarding the parents and the students. But now a days what I've seen in my city is students tend to misuse their freedom. Its also true that they have a lot of pressure to score good rank to maintain their parent's reputation. I have the freedom to pursue my choice but some of the time I misuse it.
The post is thought provoking.
Hats off to you.
hi Alok
I beg to differ on this remark made by you
Kids whose parents are influenced by glamour are influenced by glamour too.
This is not at all right. I am telling this from personal experience. As likes and dislikes of individuals are different and as parent one forgets that child is also an individual.
Child is through you not from you.
Parents may have the control on body but not on soul. How can one explain that Gandhiji's progeny is not as simple as he was.
Environment and thought process of an individual plays a vital role.
I found parenting very easy, till I became a parent. I thought of giving all the independence / confidence that a child should get, but found that every child may not be equipped to handle that sort of independence. My daughter likes all those things which I never liked (talking about glamour part), I tell her the pros and cons but i have never interfered in her interests except when they cause a lot of interference with normal routine.
Still, many of the the points are very valid. You are in a metropolitan city, come to small town and see how parents discuss that credit system is not good as they feel that 91% wala aur 89% wala barbar kaise. they don't undertstand statistics that marking sytem has a standrad deviation. Even the teaching community doesn't understand that if same notebook is given for evaluation to the same person, the marks would differ and credit sytem helps to normalise the marks. This the scenario with the parents who are so obsessed with the marks.
Keep it up. Expecting more posts like this from you.
I'm really glad you came up with this post...
One of the worst things I hate about our educational system is "MAM - Marks Alone Matter".
And the worst thing is, it doesn't stop with the parents...I personally know a lot of guys who want to pursue or are currently pursuing an MBA just because, "Come on yaar, we have to do it na?"
Why can't people THINK for a change...
Ananya,
Freedom has responsibility, and this I'm quoting from Ever Hopeful's comment.
We are what we choose to be.
Ever Hopeful,
A child is most influenced by his/her parents, because they are the people he/she spends most time with.
The rational facilities that a child develops is primarily due to parents.
Of course, children are individuals too, but they discover their self only after some time. And this self has the same ethics and values as the parents. And these ethics and values they keep updating.
Thus, though a child might initially go for glamour, when he/she finds his/her self, he/she will follow the values it holds.
Anyways, I am the one with no experience here, and I speak with only my point of view. I appreciate yours. I'm just saying that given the kind of person you are, Ananya has had a very positive influence. You have done your job, now it is her job as an individual to be able to survive and remain fit. That is the reason why this post is a couple of letters, not just one.
More than marks, its the attitude of the student towards what he/she loves that is important.
Anyways, I think you understand that!
Thank you for the nice comments!
Rahman,
Exactly! That is what I'm trying to say.
In my opinion..the world is not that simple anemore that a parent get inborn ability...there are several prbs and more issues...and if they get a professional help.it will be better benefited...
and abt freedom of expression as its been said freedom comes wid responsibility..if non one is regulatinf the content of the media..it will turn itself to a pornography for better trps...I m not against media..but i do believe wateva dis gen is facing..90 % is becoz of media hypes and TRP increase techniques of media..
though ur opinion differs.. but one shudnt be talking abt only but also regulating wat one can do..for more general values
yeah i totally agree. u noe parents think they r doin us good by forcing us 2 be a doc or engg or ca cos they think these professions hv job guarantees. my folks initially were pressurising me 2 join sum classes 4 JEE just cos my cousin got into iit, then twas mbbs cos my aunt said thats only wher d girls have scope in sci field. then one day i had enuff, i nvr even took biology in my cet eggjam n so i shut their hopes of me being a doc. i noe i cud hv gotten into iit if i really had studied 4 it but y??? wen im not interested in engg y should i wrk my ass 4 for 2 yrs only 2 open doors to 4 more yrs of misery?? i told my parents flatly that i wanna fly n thats d only reason i took science or i wud hv taken arts cos i luv writing too. sumtimes u just hv 2 speak up. if i had let them talk me into goin for jee i wud still be miserable
i wrote a similar post some months back its titles " a letter" check it if u want :)
hey....thanks for wishin!!!
i have started blogging again
and its a reminder for us here. When we become parents some day.
*God help my kids tho* lol!
Keshi.
and how do u propose to rouse a spirit? something like rdb?
Sourish,
It's all about trust.
Spicymist,
That's the approach I'm talking about.
About your post, I read and commented on it a long time ago.
And about "rousing the spirit", I've replied at your post.
Tess,
Arey it was no trouble at all!
Ananya,
I know!
Keshi,
Hehheh! :D
nothing new..studying or wat?
Oye achcha topic hain aur dikh raha hain ki solid debates bhi ho gaye..
Its kinda tough to give a feedback for this..
I, for one, was extremely confused like the many others bout my career.. Went for engineering for a month n then hopped to mbbs.. Though basically wanted to be a Vet which my parents never agreed for.. They supported any profession other than this.. They said sitting at home was also ok.. But not animals it seems.. Hehehe! I m thankful for that. Coz i love what m doin now. N takin care of the other species can be done side-by-side.. There's a solution for all ;-)
some ppl do enjoy whatever they do.. Not all repent.. Its not easy to know your line when ur at d brink of maturity. So, parents r definitely d guiding light at that time. But pressuring children is a different issue altogether.. Its like parents wanna succeed through their children (they want their disappointments to be converted into success through their products of conception) thats bad! There are those kids who dont wanna rebel for they feel they'll hurt the sentiments or rather expectations of their parents..
I feel its the lack of communication, the understanding and ignorance on the part of both thats responsible for the Sad outcome.
Beautiful and perfectly timed. The part about the general sublime mistrust in today's youth- It makes me wonder on how people claim that the children are the future of India, and how many engineers and doctors only the future India will contain.
Parents have this knack of being extremists: either they're totally for the child, or totally against. Like take for example a couple I saw at a park. they had a nine yr old kid with them. The boy dropped his plastic goggles somewhere, and the father refused to buy him another pair. He kept telling him off about how it was his carelessness, and how these losses should make him learn.
My point: why weren't those lost goggles, just a pair of lost goggles? The father could have well bought him another pair, and changed the consequent part that the kid was gloomy the rest of that day. Does there have to be a lesson in everything we do?
Thanks, Alok, your blogs make people think.
oooh the URL's inspiring ppl now!!***giggle giggle***..I should've done that too..thanks for jalaaoing the tubelight!
Alok It is a very sad topic. IveI have witnessed it on many occasions, breaks ones heart to see it or have it done to them...
My dad wanted me to become a lawyer, I said NO quickly and he did not care.. but I have several friends that are following their parents in Medicine because They Pretty Much HAVE to... Or NO college is going to be paid for!
sad but true.. this post is great!!!
Ne.
well said buddy..
What you say is true....but what if the kid himself doesn't know what he wants to do????????
I have finished my engg and i still have no idea about what i am up to!
Wonderful post!
At the perfect time of the year.
I remember just it was this time of the year, last year.
My mother supported me, but still she used to push me to think of the other option[which was more "REPUTED" or had a better "SCOPE" but eventually I became a rebel, and went for what i wanted to :)
Emaan,
Naah, was just taking a hiatus.
Xorkes,
Hmmm. Yes, lack of communication has a role to play. But I ask, what is this lack of communication due to?
The answer lies in the post itself.
Hellbound,
Well, I am all for what that father did. If you do not understand, I guess you did not understand the post well. That father is the kind of parent I want everyone to be.
Cinder-Single,
Sad but true, yes. But it is upto us to make it false, isn't it? :)
Rakesh,
Thank you for appreciating the spirit.
Durjoy,
The question asked by you has already been answered in the second letter of mine.
I believe that everyone finds what they Love to do pretty soon in life. It's just that we don't realise the importance of our Love.
Sameeta,
:)
That's what I'm talking about.
Hope that you continue to do the same in the future.
Amazing Post ....
such earnesty ... this will probabaly be one of the finest you've riten ... your views are spot on .. read a book called ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE .. a very profound book you may just find ur views being mirrored there ..
of course that means that the book may not teach you anything new but a bit of flattery on behalf of yourself wont hurt !!!!
Wow !! 52 comments !!! Good going Alok !
Keep it up.
hell lot 53 comments already! god! i have been thru all of them yet.
Alok, i hope the blog does not aim for anti-smoking campaign, right?? Howvever i would express that's it's a very beautiful and seriously intelligent blog u have sent.
People should not abstain from anything just beacuse many believe it to be so. A true rebel would know that even tobacco is natural product only. i have just retruned from UK and US and observed that people have now taken to smoking raw tobacco, Beeddi, to reduce health risk! that's a "positive" rebellion too, i wud say.
youth's rebellion problem is that it is nature's secret way of bringing about the change.positive rebellion= change for good, negative rebellion=change for bad.
Sometimes when youth rebels, it even crosses finisheing lines which the middle ages, or oldies shall not, ever.Alexender, Newton , Vivekanand are examples of what youth can produce.And ofcourse most of our ParamVirChakra heros.
maybe, the true seniority of Middle years and Oldness is that i admit's the rebel of a youth, and having experienced that, knows how to direct it to constructive work. Convincing the questionablity of youth is the actual challenge for seniors. not the suppresssing act.
Gosh, if you have witnessed me through me early 20's years,! and seen the rebel within me. I have about 7~8 show cause notices to my credit;-).
Nutees,
:) Let's hope the message is carried across. I hope I keep the message withing myself.
Haven't read that book, though have read quotes from it. Will check it out!
Cuckoo,
:)
I hope the message made some difference somewhere, even though a little.
Mannu,
:)
Though personally I'm against smoking, I won't stop anyone from doing it. Their choice. I honor freedom. It's just that my freedom shouldn't interfere with anybody else's freedom.
I like your views on the youth and the role of the senior population towards directing it towards a positive direction. However, what's "positive" and what's "negative" is again a very dynamic notion. Let's just say Freedom is not to be lost and tampered with.
Alok u are awesome, that u have moved the heart of the mother of a teenager is testimony to the fact that u have driven the nail hard enough...do keep in touch...and keep writing, the young perspective is so refreshing...I am going to think about this deeply...thanks.
Alok u are awesome, that u have moved the heart of the mother of a teenager is testimony to the fact that u have driven the nail hard enough...do keep in touch...and keep writing, the young perspective is so refreshing...I am going to think about this deeply...thanks.
Jolly,
:)
I'm glad you could relate to the message. I believe that above all, a person must learn to become the inner, passionate, happy animal that he/she is.
Very Very well said Alok.. It was by sheer luck that I chanced upon your blog, and what timing! I've sent a link of this post to this to some close relative who needs this the most at this point in time.
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